In three days I am no longer "officially" employed. I move to a contractor role. As Oscar Wilde stated: "there are two tragedies in life. One is not getting what you wanted. The other is getting it." I was considering shifting to a consulting role through my company - Shain Evaluation and Consulting, LLC, but the move was pushed ahead and then pushed ahead again. So on Thursday I no long drive the twelve to an office, meet on a regular basis with an education team, attend monthly staff meetings, have access to a printer and company email, have all the benefits and all the other supports that comes with an established office. And I feel sad; I feel a loss; I'm grieving transition. I enjoyed the people with whom I worked. We became close friends and support each other. Now that has changed. I know - we say we will stay in touch, but it's not the same. There is not a regular close interaction. And - honestly - I'm a bit scared. I truly am on my own - I set my own schedule; I keep track of my billable hours and travel expenses. I develop my own invoices. I work with my accountant to submit my taxes, social security and medicare. I have to find and maintain health insurance for Jill and me.
The saying goes: "every time a door closes, a window opens, but man, those hallways are a bitch." I'm in that hallway now - it's dark, there are holes in the floor, people are trying to grab my rice bowl, and I feel alone. It's like this loss is piled on the loss of Janell, and piled on the stress of dealing with family issues, and the joy and fear of a new relationship. And so I will plunge ahead: Carpe Diem.
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