Coming to Grips with Alone

I find myself spending the vast majority of my non-work time alone. At first I preferred it - solitude, hibernating, perhaps incubating, waiting for the energy, direction, goals, something to motivate me to "move on." Now I'm feeling the urge to emerge from my home-nest and rediscover the external world. Having lived in a couple's world for the last eighteen years makes it difficult to shift into a single's realm. Dating still feels like a "four-letter-word," and the vast majority of my friends still reside as couples. I've never really been a joiner, someone who finds friends through activities like book clubs, sports, or associations. Many of our social connections came through work or school activities, such as parent drama club. I have found few link-ups through work, mainly because my evaluation work is done on a predominantly solitary basis, and the kids are all off on their own.

To be quite honest, what I'm looking for is "chemistry," that organic, spontaneous connection I have had in the past. The ultimate connection, of course, was Janell. There was magic in our relationship, a magnetism that in all probability will be the once-in-a- lifetime event. However there have been friendships that had an element of chemistry to it:

• Sue, my former co-worker at partner for five years. We facilitated countless workshops, coordinated curriculum writing and trained peer helpers and peer mediated. We spent countless hours and days together and had such an open and honest friendship-love. I miss her so much.
• The teacher crew in Illinois in the 70's. We spent weekends going to movies, having parties, drinking cheap wine and engaging in hours of then-meaningful conversations about life.
• The Curtain Raiser mini-group at Ralston. Janell and I did so much with them. I'll never forget the dinner the eight of us had - the last meal served to the first class passengers on the Titanic. We ate our way through eight courses, with wine and liquors - almost fours hours of fantastic food and heartfelt conversation.
• Bob, a long-distance friend. We at times lead parallel lives, and supported each other through tough times. We could share our thoughts and feelings openly. It wasn't that we did a lot together, but we knew we could count on each other to serve as sounding boards when we needed it.
• And there are others: Deb B., Marie, David, Katie, Barb, Cathy, Deb P., Donlynn, Erika, Jean, Tara, Paul, Christina, Connie, Doug, Tracy, and on and on. These are my professional contacts who have become dear friends. 

I am blessed with such support, but how do I translate the work-related network into a social network? How do I break the grip of loneliness? You'd think someone who taught human relations for seventeen years could answer that question, wouldn't you? Is it a case of "physician - heal thyself"?