On the Verge

The phrase - "on the verge" - keeps popping into my mind, in so many ways.

A friend, in an email, called me a courageous man. Courageous? There are times I think I'm on the verge of doing something brave, such as starting my own business (which I AM doing, by the way) and going completely on my own, with no ties and no safety net. But there is still a residual fear lurking in the shadows of my mind. Is that courageous?

Other times, I'm on the verge of "packing it all in" and going into complete hibernation. By that I mean selling my home, quitting my job, breaking all ties (except family) and moving to a small house in a small town in northern Wisconsin or Washington state. There I would live on my retirement income and just live day-by-day, perhaps writing. Or I would buy a small motor home and travel the country (Travels with Charley, but without a "Charley" - the LAST thing I would need/want would be a dog!).

Or I'm on the verge of returning to my roots - namely counseling. I would look for a school counseling position in a community college or small college/university. Another thought would be applying for a school counseling position in one of the American schools in Europe or Asia for two or three years. What an adventure to live in a foreign country for several years!

Or - from a totally different perspective - I'm on the verge of actually exploring the prospect of a social life (notice the hesitancy in the terminology?), perhaps dating, joining a club or activity (like a book or travel club), or inviting friends and neighbors over for dinner and a game of Trivial Pursuit. Nothing radical, but after the last year of semi-isolation, any of the above would be a big step.

And yet - habits (read Incognito to get an idea of the power of the unconscious mind) seem to undermine any movement that would put me over the edge into a new, more active and threatening realm.

I'm on the verge of . . . .