Starting Over

As John Donne wrote in Paradise Lost:

We are one,
One flesh;
to lose thee were to lose myself.

I have indeed lost myself, my identity. I am no longer Janell's husband; I am Janell's widower. With the lose of my soul mate, other configurations I had of myself - father, step-father, grandfather, brother, son, friend, professional program evaluator, life/career coach, person - have lapsed into the fog.

I don't know who I am; I don't know why I am.

And so I'm starting over, hoping to move, not in circles, but in spirals, ascending to a higher point of consciousness, of attachment, of meaning. I hope to regain the ability to give back, to make an impact on the lives I touch. I have received so much over the years - love from Janell, family and friends; respect from colleagues and clients; knowledge and skills from teachers in all realms. And those connections have helped me weather the last fourteen months and so much more.

So where do I begin? William Bridges states in Transitions that every beginning starts with an ending. How do I transition my love for Janell from grief to strength? How do I let go of the pain and anguish and re-enter the world of the living? How do I break out of my shell of isolation and reach out to those who care about me? How do I risk letting go of my current vocation and seek greater meaning?

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. That journey begins now.