My Dearest Janell, I'm writing this because I'm lost, I'm floundering, and wandering aimlessly through a variety of mazes.
The capstone career that I presume is hiding in the wings continues to be a foggy specter, not wanting to reveal itself and let me find solid ground with that pillar of my life. Help me be patient and let the career transition happen on its own time.
Our kids are struggling with education and career. Where is that tender line between support and enabling? On one side, I need to be there to lend a listening ear and encouragement; on the other side, I need to exhibit "tough love," whatever that means any more. Help me find the balance that works for them and for me, letting them live their lives and make their decisions and letting me focus on my healing.
Remember you always talked about "my next wife" and I always talked about us sitting in rocking chairs on the porch of the "old folk's home"? We bantered back and forth with those images, joking but unfortunately with a tinge of reality. You knew and I denied. Well, now, several of my dearest friends "have a friend they would like me to meet." And, bless their hearts, they want me to have a social life again, to go to movies and plays, to laugh again. I know it's only for surface companionship, but I find it difficult to even think about going out with anyone. A "date" - funny how it's a four-letter word. Help me to find a way to relax and perhaps, in the not-so-distant-future, find a way to have a social life, not like the one we had with each other (never to be replicated), but in some form.
I'm falling back in to my dysfunctional patterns of worry, sleepless nights and distractions. I wake up with thoughts of the empty future, a plethora of work "duties" to attend to, the compost of unfinished tasks around the house and yard, and the forgetfulness of birthdays, anniversaries and marker days that need my attention. Help me let go of the petty and focus on the important. You had such a way of doing that, always looking at the salient relationships and brushing aside the trivial.
Help me live my life, help me FIND my life. I'm lost.
Oh Dr. Mike, perhaps a support group would be useful. I am not sure how to find one, but surely they are out there. Being with others who don't want to let go, and want to "recalibrate" their lives. I like to go to aa meetings for the fellowship of folks I never see on the "outside" that i might not intellectually connect to, but i can connect to their feelings. I know aa has codependent meetings, I have never been to one, so I don't know if that is appropriate. It is so hard to feel alone, struggling with a problem(s) that feels unique to you. It is truly the reminders to "just do the next right thing" and "stay where my hands are" that help me to return to a calm place that i have never before known. A thought, no judgement, just feeling pain reading your struggle. You will find your own way. I truly believe it. You are such a good man.
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