Gnats

I read somewhere that after the pain and grief of losing your spouse, nothing that can happen could be worse. You become immune to the minor grievances and petty annoyances of life. And you become more courageous. You begin to focus on the major elements of your life and become fearless. I'm beginning to find that that is not the case.

The myriad of little conflicts, distractions and downright rudeness tend to well up around you and buzz, like a swarm of gnats. Each taken individually won't cause major issues in your life that effect your income, health, family cohesiveness and career, but taken in aggregate, they tend to drain one's energy, focus and overall well-being. They leave one very sensitive, like the skin  recovering from a wound. You want them to go away; you do not want to deal with them; you want to ignore them. But they don't go away; you don't deal with them; you can't ignore them. The annoyance builds and you become more and more distracted and eventually downright angry. And you worry that you will reach a breaking point, where you will say or do something that you might regret.

I'm at that point right now - I need to get a swatter and go after those gnats, and terminate them one at a time, or I might go "ballistic."