I know in the past posts I've talked about ending this blog, and have hesitated time and again. People have told me they appreciate the insights, honesty and heartfelt emotions, and lately several people have mentioned that they are seeing healing and a future-orientation in my writing. I'm feeling that in my life as well.
The journey through my grief at losing Janell has been like walking through a mine field, a "tear field" if you will. Everywhere I went, memories of Janell were there and I cried - a song, a picture, a scene in a movie or TV show, a conversation, a mere thought and tears welled up in my eyes and streamed down my cheeks. Even now as I write this, I feel them. It was truly an every day, every hour and sometimes seemingly every minute occurrence. And now, after almost a year and a half - the pain and grief has lessened; the memories that brought on tears in the past are more and more bringing a slight grin and a fond remembrance. I was so blessed to have Janell in my life for almost twenty years, and I am blessed to have the memories of our marriage, our love and our devotion to each other. They will live in my heart and soul forever. Every once in a while I'm blindsided by some reflection of Janell and tears come. That happens and no doubt will continue to happen throughout my life. That's just the way it is, and people who know and love me understand.
And so - is it time?
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