My dear friends and family - I feel a need to apologize to all of you. I have been hiding these past several months, when I should have been reaching out to all of you. Instead, I secluded myself in the shelter of my work, my workouts, my reading, and my writing. I realize you have gone back to the mainstream of your lives, which you need to do - your families, your work, your avocations, your routines. These are the core of your nuclear worlds.
Oh, I could say: "I know you're busy and I don't want to call to bother you." I would probably end up talking too much about Janell and how much I miss her, and reignite your grief. I can come up with all manner of excuses, all of them a mass of rationalizations. I haven't called and I'm sorry. You are my friends and my family, and I want to be part of your lives.
And now - I'm headed to India for two weeks. I'm excited; I'm nervous; and I'm connecting with family. When I return, I want to re-build the bonds that have weakened and build new webs of connection. I am so blessed - I love, and I hope am loved, by an incredible array of bright, worldly, warm and responsive people. I want to reach out to you and do a better job of "being there" for all of you.
You haven't been hiding, you have been there in plain site through your writing. You have bared your soul. We've felt your thoughts, experienced your pain, and walked beside you through your "ruts."
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